Ranier - Loves Black Women

Ranier – Loves Black Women

Somethings are so rare that they have idioms invented to describe their unnatural occurrence:  Like a “blue moon”,”pigs flying”, and “hell freezing over”.  Similarly I had assumed the ultra-rare Asian Man + Black Woman couple  might also deserve its own catch phrase on the endangered species list. Ranier Maningding is one man who is trying to change that. His blog is a meeting point and mouthpiece for the growing AMBW (Asian Man Black Woman) movement. Before stumbling upon AMBW, I had no idea that there was an underground organization of single people rebelling against the confines of race and social stigma. My own mother verbally instructed me never to bring home a black girl otherwise I would be disowned.

Ty and I talked with Ranier to find out more about AMBW and if chocolate and rice mix well together.


Elliott: So Ranier, what’s the story behind your blog ?

Ranier: When I first started the blog, it was actually more about my personal experiences when I started college. I was mainly talking about my experiences at school, like how I went on a date with this one girl but then it started to progress. It become this public diary of mine where I was talking about my successes and failures. Eventually it evolved into an interracial dating blog. It deviated from a story about me to me coaching everyone else about it. I never intended this, it was just me complaining about shit, and over the years it’s turned into a blog where people ask me questions about Asian guy stuff. It’s kind of weird how that happened.

Elliott: Yeah, Ty was observing that the blog seems like it’s directed towards non-Asian women and answering their questions about how to get an Asian guy. Is that right?

Ranier: That’s right. Which was funny because it was the complete opposite from my objective. It was suppose to a message to Asian guys, I’m getting dates, and you can too! One of my early readers summarized it best, I was the Asian male version of Sex in the City. So I think that a lot of women liked this idea of me being honest about my dates and about screwing up . But the Asian guys never showed up.

Elliott: A male Carrie Bradshaw?

Ranier: Yeah, exactly. I’ll take it!

Elliott: So, what has the reception been? I’m curious to know, what are some of the things the non-Asian females don’t understand about Asian men? Also, how have Asian men responded to your blog?

Ranier: The split in the demographic for my blog is so heavily swayed to women, probably 90 to 10 percent split, women to men. For the few men that view the blog, a lot of them are really excited, and championing it – “Yeah I like what he’s saying, this is great!”. Some of them who are a little more traditional are saying – “No, we’re nothing like this. We don’t like to date interracially, we prefer dating Asian women”. So for Asian guys, they either love it or they hate it. But for the women who view the blog, there’s a resounding positive reaction. I think that a lot of them really do enjoy the blog.

But I think that what happened is that there’s such a confusion about what Asian guys are about – almost this sort of mystique. For the most part you don’t see them on TV, hear about them in music or politics. And so when I write about it a lot of them will comment and say “Oh my god, my mind is blown. I had never known that Asian guys have a love life. They date? They’re interested in non-Asian women? This is crazy!” And so for a lot of them, that’s their reaction –  they’re glad to know that there are Asian guys who are interested in black women or white women.

Elliott: Is there a certain demographic of women that are interested in Asian men? I’m trying to figure out what is the parallel between that and the typical white man-asian women “yellow fever” thing. Is it some kind of fetish that they’re projecting an image on to Asian men, that may be a cliche – for example kungfu, or Korean pop?



Ranier: Well, demographically speaking my blog is really different. A large portion of my female viewers are predominantly black. In other blogs, it’s mainly Asian guys and white girls. I think that’s a reason why a lot of people are reading this blog because, I mean, how many blogs exist with the focus on Asian men and black women? I wrote a blog post one time, years ago. It was about black women’s hair. I actually like black women’s natural hair, I love it! I think it looks gorgeous, it’s unique. And I think that black women should own up to it, they shouldn’t be ashamed of it, and shouldn’t be concerned about straightening it or relaxing it. I mean, it was overnight that there was this huge wave of people coming in and saying “Oh my god, I love you”. I’ll say completely honestly that my blog wouldn’t be what it is now, without the black female community. Not at all. I think that they completely elevated it and promoted it within themselves. Without me asking for it, they were the ones that shared it and started telling everyone.

Now as far as their expectatios of what Asian guys are like. A lot of it was timed perfectly. When I started writing about black women, the K-pop movement was flooding into the US. You had a lot of people who were asking “Do Korean guys like black women? Do Korean guys like Latin women?” And then my blog started popping up a lot. It was the first stop, for a lot of people to say “Oh hey, maybe I do have chance with Rain, or Taeyang”. On that note, I think it’s a mix set of emotions. On the one hand there’s a lot of women who think that all Asian guys are going to be like K-pop guys because they’ve never seen us on TV or music videos before. So for the most part the Asian male figure has been absent. Save for Ken Jeong and Jackie Chan, we really didn’t exist, so when K-pop came along, it was like we came out of the closet, so to speak. I think a lot of them thought, “Oh, OK, this is what Asian guys are like”. So I think the biggest problem was telling them that we’re not kungfu guys, and we’re also not K-pop stars. Some of us are just normal, right down the middle. My favorite example is Glen from the Walking Dead because he’s just a normal dude. And I think more of my readers can understand that that’s what more Asian guys are like.

Elliott: I’m fascinated by this whole AMBW (Asian Men Black Women) movement. I thought it was a really small niche. For example I noticed on Meetup.com they had a AMBW group, and I was like “Wow, that’s … different”. And then I heard of this guy, Keni Styles, have you heard of him?

Ranier: Yeah, of course.

Elliott: Yeah, then I was following his Instagram, and I realized that 80% of his fans were black women. That took me totally by surprise. I was confused, what do you think is going on here?

Ranier: I think that what happened was and that the interest in black women and Asian men was always there. It was just a matter of popping that bubble. So from the Asian guys’ perspective, when I was growing up I remember watching music videos and movies where there were black women, and was thinking – she’s pretty, or she’s hot. I had crushes on black girls in high school but I would never pursue it because I just thought they weren’t interested. I literally thought that it was impossible for black women to like Asian men. Like we were two completely different species. It was funny because my brother was dating black women like all the time when I was growing up. I should’ve known better.

On the opposite side, for black women. They are in an interesting situation because a lot of black women growing up in America are told that they can’t date anyone besides black men and that anyone else wouldn’t be worthy. There’s this perception that black men are at the height of masculinity and Asian men are at the bottom. There’s this idea that the Asian guy just won’t be able to take care of her. I think that the AMBW movement sort of happened as lot of these people grew up and started to realize: “Hey, I’m starting to realize that Asian guys aren’t as shy as people told me or that they seem to show an interest in me”. From the Asian guy’s perspective: “There’s this black girl who’s been flirting or texting with me”. So that coupled with the K-pop created the sentiment of “Yeah, maybe we should go for it!” That door opened up and they realized that everybody who’s been telling me all this crap about who I can or can’t date – it’s completely crap. I think all those elements came into play right at the perfect time.

Elliot: Just to share my own story, I remember I went on this speed dating thing in San Francisco a while back. Out of twenty women, most of whom were white, a couple of Asians, blacks, Hispanics, Middle Easterners, ONLY the black women and Hispanic women said yes to me. All the light skinned and my own people, they said no, and I was like this is not random. It was so racist, not a single white girl said yes – this was bullshit. What do you think that’s about?

Ranier and Girlfriend Livi

Ranier and Girlfriend Livi

Ranier: The funny thing is that I think a lot of people throw out this idea of the social or sexual hierarchy and that there’s this idea that the AMBW movement started because Asian guys and black women were at the bottom of the barrel, so it was almost out of necessity – we were the last people on Earth: “OK, I guess, we’re gonna wanna date?” It’s almost as if people think we’re dating out of pity and that we have no other options. I think it’s complete crap. What did happen though was that, yes I do think that Asian men and black women are at the bottom in terms of the relationship world, what people expect of us, socially, sexually.

And so, you have a lot of Asian men who feel that everyone thinks that they’re not man enough so there are a lot of Asian guys trying to carve out their masculinity by trying to improve their confidence, doing well in school, getting into sports, breakdancing, being a really good acoustic guitar player.

And on the other hand you have black women who are facing that expectation that “Oh, everyone thinks I’m ghetto, I’m easy”. A lot of black women are trying to disprove that by showing that they’re educated, cultured, diverse and not this angry black woman stereotype. When you look at the statistics, black women as a group are the single most educated group of people in the entire US. A lot of people completely don’t realize that.

So you have two groups that have a lot to prove to themselves and a lot of ambition, and I think that is the key component which makes them really compatible with each other. They’re constantly trying to say, “Forget what everyone else says I don’t care if I don’t look like Justin Bieber or Paul Walker. Or I don’t care if I don’t have shimmering hair like Britney Spears and so I think that there’s this really admirable sense of trying to make something of yourself, and I think that’s one of the reasons why the two came together.

Elliott: That’s awesome. It’s like a grand fuck you to everybody else.

Ranier: Yeah, pretty much, pretty much.

Elliott: One component that I’m interested in is the mirror reflection. Meaning what do black men and Asian women think of this topic? We hear a lot about white men and Asian women but I’m not hearing anything about this topic. I think Asian men are very reluctant to speak publicly, and especially emotionally, passionately, or angrily, about a lot of topics. Lately there has been a lot of Twitter stuff about Asian women, feminism and stuff like that. Have you had any interactions on your blog and personally with black males or Asian females and what was their reception?

Ranier: The reactions from both groups are really split. For black men – and from my personal experience – half of them are really vocal about it. I remember when I first got with my girlfriend, she had a lot of black male friends who would message her and say stuff like “Why are you with him? Why aren’t you with a black man? We would go to San Francisco and I remember one time we were walking down Union Square and I mean literally, five different guys said something to our faces as we were walking around. And I remember one, probably the clearest memory that I have: there’s this one black guy who came up to us and said to my girlfriend “Does he pay you a nickel for everytime you say you love him?” For me, it was so out there I wasn’t even mad. I was like “Wow, really?” That’s one half. The other half is really really supportive. One guy, he lives in Europe. He dates Asian women and he looks up to me, he sending me post cards, commenting on my posts – a really great guy. I think that on the other half you have a lot of black guys who are like “Oh, hey, Asian guy who’s with a black woman? That’s cool.”

Now for Asian women, it’s a little bit more tricky because Asian people in general, a lot of the snickering and chit chat happens completely behind closed doors. Unknown to a lot of non-Asian people, Asian people are some of the biggest shit talkers ever.  I haven’t really experienced Asian women saying anything to me personally, to my face, or to my girlfriend – at least not that I know of. But I know that if we walk into a restaurant, say a Chinese, or a Vietnamese restaurant the hardest stares I get are from Asian women. So there’s this place in San Jose where it’s known for being jammed packed with every single Asian woman white guy relationship you could ever imagine. It’s almost like all of them hang out in that one area. So it’s funny when me and my girlfriend walk into that place because I get these head turns and really nasty looks almost as if they’re trying to say “Oh, who do you think you are? This is our place”. It could be just be my own perception of their thinking – you can only infer so much from a dirty look but sometimes you just know.

Elliott: You know how sometimes when you were to ask a Asian girl: Why do you only date white guys? And they say: “ Oh it’s a just a preference. What’s the big deal? Why are you so uptight about it?” I’m curious ,one day, would if some Asian guy said to an Asian woman: “I’m not into Asian girls like you;. I’m just into black girls.” I think that would be perceived as you being sexist or fetishizing.

Ranier: Yeah, I think that’s what would happen. If you ask them, they would  say something like “It’s 2014, and I can date whoever I want”. For me, that’s totally fine. But it’d be interesting once you see Asian guys start dating black women because I know that right now in Silicon Valley there’s a lot of interracial relationships, but primarily with white women. And for the most part, no one says anything. So hopefully when Asian guys start realizing that they can date black or Latin women, I really hope that they are vocal about it and they stick up for themselves and say “This is what I like”.

Elliott: Well it seems like you’re carrying the flag for us right now. Actually, I’m fine with Asian women dating outside their race but what pisses me off is that they only date white guys usually. If they were dating Hispanic and black guys, then I would be like “Yeah, okay, date whoever you want”. But it’s not like that. That’ my beef. It’s not a fair spread, it’s a selective thing. That’s what I want to call out, but it seems like I’m being racist or sexist.

Ranier: Exactly. Back in high school you had that whole movement, Fall Out Boy, and the grungy white guy sort of look. That was huge at my school. It was like a domino effect, where every single Asian girl that I went to school with were all dating white guys.  It’s like they converted, like they had a meeting and decided that they were all going to give up on Asian guys. I remember asking them: “How come you’re dating that guy?” or “Why do you like dating white guys?” and one of the problems I had with it was that a lot of the reasons and explanations were like: “Because I don’t want to date someone who looks like my brother, or Asian guys are too shy, I like white guys’ hair and the color of their eyes”, just really shallow answers. That’s my problem with anyone who wants to date interracially. I always ask them, “Why do you want to date Asian guys, white guys, or black guys?” Often their reasons are so  flat and one-dimensional that they catch themselves and say “Oh, I guess I don’t know why”. Maybe they like this celebrity and want to find a replica.

Ty: Let me chime in a little. It sounds like basically there’s this undercurrent of media. You were talking about how you watched a music videos and then just now how those Asian girls in High School watched music videos too. That these girls aren’t able to elucidate “That’s probably why I’m all of sudden attracted to people outside of my race.” Have you observed that?

Ranier Going Where Few Asian Men Have Gone

Ranier Going Where Few Asian Men Have Gone

Ranier: Completely. A lot of what society deems attractive or in is completely based off of media. I remember a lot of the women in High School who were switching over converting to white guys, it was funny because those same exact girls, just a couple of years ago, once the whole K-pop movement was exploding all of a sudden they were taking profile pictures to make themselves look Korean, posting about how much they love K-pop guys. I was like “Wait, hold on a second, you were religiously dating white guys for years and now you’ve totally changed.” I think that is really a testament to the power of how much media will affect something as fundamental as who you’re willing to date, you know? Something as simple as K-pop coming to America. For me what’s exciting is if this is what happens with K-pop which isn’t home-brewed in the US, I can only imagine if something like that blew up here. People would freak out!

Ty: For Asian guys, who do you see would be leading the vanguard in our media exposure?

Ranier: Not Ken Jeong (laughter). You know, it’s kind of sad because even for my blog, I post a lot of pictures, it’s a very image-heavy blog for good reasons. You have to inject, every five seconds, a topless Asian guy. The sad thing is that for a lot of Asian American guys, we’re watching with a telescope how much attention these K-pop guys are getting. We’re really supportive of it, but, I don’t know, I think we’re still completely lacking in that department. I think we really do need to have a lot more Asian guys who get into music. I think it’s tough though, because one, we’re doing damn good in the tech business, so in that respect we’re okay, but for me I really like Steven Yeun (Glenn) from the Walking Dead.

He’s a perfect example because he’s a middle-of-the-road Asian guy. Not to say that he’s average, because the guy is really good looking. He’s not the goofy Asian, not Ken Jeong, not the Kung Fu Asian, not Bruce Lee, but he’s also not the K-pop guy and I think that all three of those are this exaggerated expression of what Asian guys are, whereas Glenn, he’s a normal dude, I mean, white guys, black guys, anyone can relate to him. That is what we need the most. I think we need to start telling the different sides of Asian guys. That’s why I love the fact that America’s Best Dance Crew came on. It showed to everyone that Asian guys can dance! If we can all start rallying for more Asian guys who are in movies and buying tickets and supporting them, as a community we can help create a better identity. Right now, I’m going for Steven Yeun.

Elliott: That’s a really good point. It’s funny because your blog has all those guys with the ripped abs. Not many of my friends look like that. It’s cool that there’s guys like that but most of them look like me, Ty, and you – just regular dudes.

Ranier: Hey man, if you put on a little eyeliner, I think you could pull it off (laughs). The funny thing though is when it comes to the amount of K-pop abs on my blog ,the reason why I have that is because when you look up “handsome Asian guy”, everything is K-pop guys. I try to put as many images as possible, keeping it relatively high quality. I mean, you can only put so many pictures of Steven Yeun and Harry Shum Jr. So from a picture standpoint there’s just a surplus of K-pop guys, it’s convenient in that sense. To be honest, when I look at some of these K-pop stars I look at them and I’m like “You know what? I have guy friends who look just like that or are just as handsome as that”. I think it’s just really a matter of having the right hair stylist.

Elliott: One thing I wanted to ask you: Was this move to date outside your race something that was conscious for you? Are you narrowing your scope over time or is it something you’re still redefining?

Ranier: It progressed in a really weird way. It sort of jumped all over the place. I remember when I was five, all the people who I thought were attractive on TV were all blonde women or black women. It wasn’t until Fast and Furious came out that I really started to be like “Oh, only Asian women, only Asian women”.  Then when the whole shift to we’re only dating white guys thing happened, I was 16 or 17, and I, personally out of retaliation, I was like “Fuck that! I’m not dating Asian girls anymore, I’m gonna start dating everybody else. Screw you guys!”, which failed horribly. Naturally, I just ended up dating Asian women. It’s not that I was actively pursuing women of other color, but I was trying to keep myself open-minded and I realized that if “Hey, she’s a nice girl, I’ll talk to her”. Eventually by opening myself up and trying to gain the confidence and having the balls to talk to a black woman or to a white woman, it sort of integrated into my own dictionary. I didn’t think about it. You know? I dated them for who they were. I just stopped caring whether or not they were black, white, or Asian.

Elliott: What is your family and friends’ response to your girlfriend? One of the things I have on our site, I remember when I was eight, my mom elucidated: “I want you to marry a Chinese girl, and it not a Chinese girl, a Japanese girl, but if not, Korean”. She went down this whole list and at the bottom, she said “Don’t date black girls. Because if you do, I’m disowning you”. I’m sure that in most Asian people’s experience there’s been that kind of talk. Maybe in not so many direct words, but they kinda get the point. I think that’s why, being with a black person, for an Asian person is still relatively rare.

Ranier: The funny thing is that my family is actually really open. My mom married interracially, my older brother has always been in interracial relationships. My oldest brother’s partner is white. My sister, who’s married to a Filipino man, confessed before that she had crushes on black guys so I think that naturally my whole family was always for it, so I never had a problem with it with my family – which I’m really thankful for because I know the biggest problem with a lot of interracial relationships with Asians is the family. I think the biggest problem is the Asian family. As for my friends they’re also really open about it too. Most of my friends are Filipino guys and they were always talking about how they had a crush on this black girl, or how they thought that this Latin chick was hot and so when it became known that I started dating my girlfriend, there wasn’t an out-of-place reaction at all.  It was just “Ok, that’s cool. Good for you”. They just thought of it as me having a girlfriend.

Elliott: I wonder how much of that open attitude is related to your Filipino background. Filipinos are by nature, a mix of Spanish, Chinese, and native elements. I don’t know if that attitude would filter down to Chinese or Koreans. In my mind, it makes sense in a way because the Philippines has a mix – it absorbs a lot of cultures so it was able to be a lot more fluid. What do you think about that?


Ranier: I think the main reason why a lot of Filipinos, specifically Filipino-Americans, are open to interracial dating is that we have the most dysfunctional tie to our own culture. I remember growing up I had Vietnamese friends who went to Vietnamese school and learned how to read and write. I remember Chinese friends who went to Chinese school and they learned how to read and write too. And so you’re looking at all these other Asian people who cooked the food, spoke the language, visited their home country, whereas Filipino people don’t do any of that. Most of the Filipino people who were born here can not speak a lick of their dialect, not one bit. I mean they can understand a little bit, but absolutely no tie. I think that Filipino people are so heavily Americanized, that dating a black woman or dating a white or latin woman is just as normal to them as dating a Filipino women. That’s why you see a lot of Filipino guys who got into the hip hop culture because what culture did we have? We don’t have a Filipinotown like they have a Japantown or a Chinatown. So I think that our culture in an of itself was just nonexistent so we just started adopting a lot of these different elements from everywhere else. Even for me, I started taking on influences from Japanese and Korean culture because I don’t even have an idea of what it even means to be a Filipino. I can go to the Philippines and they wouldn’t even recognize what I am. So I think that plays a big part that we just don’t have a culture, and that we’re sort of this really blank slate.

Elliott: I’m really glad you said that because that’s one of the things that me and Ty have talked about. We noticed that for Chinese people – learning our native language – is relatively high on the priority list for parents. But we noticed that a lot of Filipinos do not speak Tagalog or other dialects. It’s good that you’re verbalizing that because as a Filipino you can speak out about that. Lastly do you think interracial relationships have some social benefit? Do you see a social benefit for what you’re doing on your blog and in your personal life?

Ranier: Originally, when I started the blog, I sort thought that this is my own thing, one blog out of a billion on the internet and it had not impact, not meaning at all. But as the spread of my audience started to expand I’ve had people who’ll message me from Africa or Australia, and they’ll tell me “Thank you for writing this blog, I’ve always like Asian guys”. I hope it makes an impact, because for me personally I completely believe that interracial dating is a way for a lof us to get rid of these racist tendencies. Say for example you hate Mexican people and then your sister-in-law happens to be Mexican. Even though you still have that prejudice there, you’re gonna have to break down some of that. Unless you’re really stubborn you’re gonna have to learn to adapt. That actually happened to my girlfriend – we had a family member who was pretty racist towards black people when we first got together. She was really skeptical of my girlfriend. Over time that family member started dating black men and she would start having these conversations with my girlfriend every now and then, and she’d be like “Oh tell me about black culture. She’d be so enlightened. She would say things like “Oh my God, really? Black people have it bad? They’re really educated? Her mind was completely blown. I really do think that if it wasn’t for her dating a black guy, she would’ve stayed completely racist. I don’t want to say we should date exclusively interracially, but it is beneficial.

Elliott: That’s awesome. I was thinking to myself when you were saying that because I was thinking about my little sister and how I would actually prefer my little sister to be with a black man than be with a white man! That’s my own issue though (laughs). It’s fucked up but maybe it’s my own thing that I gotta work on.

Ranier: Yeah I was pretty surprised when I first saw your guys’ site. I saw the Arthur Chu article. I thought that you were just writing about him and didn’t know that you had interviewed him. I shared that article – that was an amazing piece. You guys had fantastic interview questions and a lot of people who I shared it with thought it was awesome. Good job guys.

Ty: Quickfire Questions

1) Name an Asian male celebrity that makes Asian guys look good.

 Ranier:  Steven Yeun (as was mentioned earlier in the interview), and Asian people are going to hate me for this but the guys from K-town.

2) Besides you and your girlfriend, are there some other well-known AMBW couples that we should know about?

Ranier: Not in particular, but there is a male model – Paolo Roldan, and he’s with a black woman. He’s not that well known. But yeah.

3) Xiahn Nishi is a Brazilian man who had plastic surgery to look Korean. What do think of him?

Ranier: The thing about him is that I think the plastic surgery was pretty good (laughs) because he looks a lot like some of the Korean pop star guys. In some of the shots he looks super Korean, but some he looks totally Brazilian. The Funny thing is I don’t mind it that much. One reason why is that for once you see someone who doing plastic surgery for the appeal of Asian-centric physical characteristics. So the guy thinks that Asian guys are the best looking things on the planet so hey, I’ll take it. Asian people have been getting plastic surgery to look white for years, so why are we gonna hate on this guy for doing the opposite? I really don’t care. What it shows is that people are surprised and disgusted. So is it bad to get plastic surgery to look Asian? Is he downgrading himself for wanting to look like that? I think it’s fine. What’s really blown up, the South Korean goalie. He’s pretty hot, for a Korean. OMG, I never thought I would like a Korean guy. A lot of really backhanded compliments. I’m not for that. The sad part is that we never get compliments, so, I’ll take it, but it could be better.

4) What’s the best thing about black, white, Asian, and Latina women?

Ranier: I’m with my girlfriend so I can’t really say, because I have the person who is perfect for me. But from the perspective of Asian guys who are looking to date interracially I say that the best thing about black women is that they’re incredibly intelligent, really witty and smart. I think that if a lot of Asian guys get their head out of their ass and they realize “hey, you know, these are going to be my future bosses too”, and if they can understand that they’ll have a lot of appreciation and it will break a lot of that negative stereotype that they previously had.

For white women I think that a lot of Asian guys will like the fact that based of my readers who are white women, they’re really passionate about Asian culture, and they really go for it, for example going to Korea and teaching English there, that hardcore. I’ve actually gotten into the most arguments online with women just like that who tell me “You know nothing about Asian culture”, which, I appreciate the passion, but anyways…

Latin women, I grew up in East Side San Jose, so you’re looking at 40% Asian 40% Hispanic, so I always grew up with Latin women. I like the fact that for Asian guys who are looking, Latin women are really open, they’ll be easy to talk to, in the sense that, whereas in Asian culture you have to really hide your feelings and not say too much, Latin women, and also American women and in Western culture in general it’s more prone to wearing your emotions on your sleeves. And I think that for Asian guys that really helps out because a lot Asian guys hold all that in.

For Asian women, what i really admire about them, socially, is that they are making a lot of strides. They’re getting themselves into Congress, becoming CEOs of startup companies in Silicon Valley, they’re managing a branch of Goldman Sachs. I think not only is that making improvements for Asians in general and Asian women, but they’re making improvements for women as a whole. That is amazing.

5) In three words what would your advice be for Asian guys who want to date interracially?

Ranier: Date. Black. Women.


Full Interview with Ranier:

Elliott Chen


  1. I loved this interview. Rainer came off as charming and witty, and the topics discussed were very poignant and provoking. I’m so glad I caught the snips on Youtube, which led me here!

    1. Elliott Chen says:

      Hell yes. Thank you Scarlet. Do we need to find you an Asian man now? :)

      1. Are you asking to be my love mentor, because that would be awesome! Haha. God knows I need all the help and advice possible.

        1. Elliott Chen says:

          I am a non-licensed black asian mentor. Seek advice at your own peril!

  2. Carolee says:

    I am 43 and ended up not dating an Asian man because I thought he wouldn’t want to date me. I guess I was also in that group of people who felt that we weren’t supposed to date anyone outside our race. We also get the idea that Asian men prefer younger women so I kind of feel too old now to be looking there.

    1. Elliott Chen says:

      Thanks for sharing about your own experience Carolee. I think there’s some basis for your ideas about Asian Men, but that said, it’s a changing world, and this is one of those last racial barriers to challenge among colored peoples.

  3. I’m so glad there are more people finding Asian men attractive. When I started writing romances with Asians, the traditional would be an Asian female with a white man. I did write two of those already, but without really thinking about it, because it is such a norm. When I wrote my Filipino male and female romance, I had well meaning friends tell me that no one would want to read it or that no one would think Filipino men were hot. But I forged ahead and published it and so far there hasn’t been any complaints against Romeo (Taming Romeo). So I proposed a story with a Korean soccer goalie and a blonde dancer, but got some pushback. I’m still developing the story and am excited to find Rainier’s community while doing research for the project. I have another Filipino couple coming up and another Korean baseball player and Filipina/Korean blogger story in the works. I’m really excited to present Asian males as desirable, hot, and fun to date in my stories.

    1. Elliott Chen says:

      Rachelle, that’s wonderful. Like Ranier and Ty were saying, media is a huge component in shaping our attraction ideals. Your stories are a very positive move in taking back some of the western centric ideals of masculinity. Put in a Chinese guy next! :)

      1. Hi Elliott, I know I should. Played by Love is out already (Korean male/blonde female), and Playing the Rookie is hopefully going to be in a sports boxed set, but if not, I’ll publish it too. I have plans for a Japanese/Greek motorcycle racer. I find it hard, for some reason to write my own ethnicity. Carina Chen [Whole Latte Love] was a very hard character for me to write. But okay, challenge accepted. Will come up with a Chinese guy, maybe secret agent, or military.

        1. Elliott Chen says:

          Isn’t that interesting that we have the most difficulty with our own culture? But the struggle is so beneficial. Ok I allow you to name your Chinese secret agent Elliott.

          btw. Whole Latte Love, great title.

  4. One love says:

    This was a great read. I am in my mid thirties, African girl who has lived in the US for many years. Only here in the US, I have realized that there is this crazy assumption that black women are not attractive and are on the bottom of the pack. That is so far from the truth and lot of stereotypes. I promise if you travel in Europe and Africa, you will see just how attractive we, black women are to other cultures . I wish that black/ brown women will stop waiting for validation from other races and know that you are a beautiful woman because you are more than the color of your skin and the texture of your hair. You were beautifully and uniquely made. You do not need any validation from men/ women and the same goes for Asian men( since we are the ones that have been dealing with a lot of negativity when it comes to our so called desire effect, especially in the USA.)

    Unfortunately, I used to have the same sterotypes toward Asian men because of ignorance. Moreover, my Asian girlfriends only went out with black or white guys; therefore, I learned from some of them that Asian men are very shy, not interesting, and very patriarchal. That was a turn off for me. As I get older, I am learning that you cannot base your opinion on other people experiences. You have to live your own. I am into the human race and very open minded. Some women like really hot guys or rich guys, or whatever is their ideal mate. I am into really smart, honest, and kind guy who can travel the world and appreciate other cultures and life expreiences. I love my culture and it is very attractive to be with another person who love their own. We only need to have a great connection! Unfortunately, I live in the south of the USA and there is a lot of status quo and that is just too difficult to deal with lol . I live in a college town; therefore, there are a lot of international Asian students, I see cute ones, but I doubt there could be any connection since they are freshly coming front their country of origin, are still learning English, and I had a few of them asked me if people in Africa live on trees and why my Afro was so big hahahaha! That was shocking to me and very hilarious because I understood that they just never been exposed to a black girl with clothes on and a big Afro lol… Bring all the Asian sexy men in their mid twenties and thirties…. Looking! One love.

Leave a Reply