This page may be out of date. Submit any pending changes before refreshing this page.
Hide this message.

I have been in a relationship for more than 6 years. I wanted to get married before 3 years, but he wasn't ready for commitment, 3 more years have passed and he still isn't ready to get married. Should I wait on him?

I have been in a relationship with him for more than 6 years. I wanted to get married before 3 years but he denied because he wasn't ready for a commitment of that level . I gave him more time since I thought it was affordable at the time and I knew he loved me. It has been 3 more years and he still says he loves me but he is still confused about the commitment and denies to get married.
I am in my early thirties and being a woman, I know how much this time of life is crucial for me to take this decision. My own family is what I want from life, more than anything. I feel I can't afford anymore waiting without commitment now.
Should I start looking around and move on?
7 Answers
Nadia (Nga) Le
Nadia (Nga) Le, Seeking to understand and experience true love

No you absolutely SHOULD NOT wait on him if having a family is all you want from life, more than anything. If he’s not sure now after 6 long years then he is never going to be sure. It should not even take that long. When you meet the right person, it should really not take that long time to make up your mind. He just has different ideas about marriage and that’s probably not gonna change.

I loved my ex-boyfriend very much and I wanted to marry him but he outright told me that he never wanted to get married. He said marriage is an unnatural idea that society has forced upon us. He said he would grow old with his girlfriend and they would stay together because they want to, not because of some piece of paper. He clearly failed to see the beautiful and magical aspects of marriage, which could not be completely expressed in words. I stayed with him for a while and then I realized he would not change and I would not be able to preach this idea to him. Maybe I can wait around until he finally realized that but that’s a bet I was not willing to take.

Jean Sequeira
Jean Sequeira
Six years is a long time to be together and the decision to tie the knots has to be agreed by both the individuals.  There is no denial to love, but to want more time, needs clarity to understand, whether he is indeed interested and willing, to be together for life with you.
There can be a possibility, he might have fears of commitment, happens to many a men, and at times woman too. Also with the onset of marriage, the responsibility towards the other, and eventually children can be daunting to some, especially when each is struggling to still know oneself. Take time and have a serious discussion, more to delve on the fears, if any.
But if inspite of everything, you are unable to have him agree to marriage now, then you need to decide, to stay or move on.
You are the best judge of your life and your choices.
Tony Varghese
Tony Varghese, Entrepreneur
If he's confused about commitment after 6 years, its time for you to bid adieu. Perhaps he's shopping around for a better prospect and isn't telling you so that he can come back to you if nothing works out or maybe he has some serious disease like cancer and doesn't want to ruin your life by marrying (which he's doing already by not telling you or letting you go). You won't know until you talk to him.

There's no problem too big you cannot solve by talking.

My $0.02.
Divya Batra
Divya Batra, I try. But not too much.
I have been in this job for 6 years. After the first 3 I decided to leave but they said I am an invaluable resource, they can't let me go and offered me many promises. They said they will give me an onsite and an irrestible raise in sometime. It's been 3 more years now and nothing has materialized. Should I quit?

Well, a relationship is like a job. When you are in it, you have certain expectations and of course not all of them can come true. So what do you do? You walk a step forward and so does he/she and you meet somewhere in between.
And when either of you can't take that step forward, it's time to move in different directions.

P.S. If I were you, I would walk away, just to see if he changes his mind ( even if it's only under the pressure of losing me). If he does then you know that he truly loves you and is ready to take that step forward.  But if he doesn't then I would keep walking.
Amit Joshi
Amit Joshi, Mechanical Engineer, Learner, Philosopher
Marriage is not the only proof of a relationship. If the relationship is going healthy, apart from some minor arguments then it's fine. Ask him that does he loves you and about your future. Ask him for the reason he doesn't want to get married. There can be done reason for which he is doing so. Relationship means that you both are bonded to each other that doesn't matters it's marriage bond or not.

One thing I'll advise you is that just notice whether he is using you for his interests and desires. If something is like that then you know it better what to do..:)

Hoping for your happy life ahead..:)
View More Answers