Should I Give My Boyfriend a Marriage Ultimatum?

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This post is dedicated to all of the hopeful couples out there who are hoping to someday get a ring. I know that a lot of women hope to be in a long-term relationship some day, but take it from somone who is on the other side of the relationship fence -- the grass is not always greener.

I wrote a post on Dinks Finance titled "Should I Give My Boyfriend a Marriage Ultimatum?" The post opens like this:

I am (sadly) not married to my long-time boyfriend, but after years together it really doesn't make a difference for our joint finances. Or maybe that is just something that I tell myself to make myself feel better about planning my life and sharing my money with a man who cannot (or does not) want to commit to me. I would really like to have a ring on my finger not necessarily with a wedding to follow, but just as a sign of commitment.

Photo by prayitno. (Flickr)

Whenever I talk to my boyfriend about planning our future life together his answer is always the same: "You know that I love you and we already share money, an apartment, and (formerly) a car so what more do you need?"

I am not sure if I absolutely want to be married, but I do know that I want our relationship to progress and move forward... I am tired (and bored) or living the same life.

I love my boyfriend very much, but for some time now we have been in a crossroad in our relationship and we are getting to the age when we have to decide to accept each other for who we are and accept our relationship for what it is, or make a decision to go our separate ways.

I am 31 years old, I have been with my boyfriend for 13 years, and we are still unmarried. Unfortunately marriage is not an option with my boyfriend. I am not sure if I absolutely want to get married; but I think that I would at least like to have the option.

The reader feedback on the marriage ultimatum post has been both wonderful and overwhelming; readers are opening up and sharing their personal relationship stories. It is sort of comforting to know that so many other people have been in my current situation. It is also kind of interesting to see that so many people have so many different opinions on relationships, how they should be, and what qualities make a perfect relationship.

It's great to have a relationship that is full of love, trust, and commitment, but at the end of the day if we don't share the same goals and if we don't want the same things out of life is the relationship really worth it?

If I were to start all over again in a new relationship I would definitely do some things differently. I would definitely want to know up front how my future boyfriend feels about marriage, children, travel, and relocation; then I can decide if he has the potential to be a future husband.

Would you give your boyfriend a marriage ultimatum?


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